Learn the signs of an unhealthy relationship, from poor communication to mistrust and verbal/physical abuse.
Healthy relationships bring out the best in each party involved. More often than not, you feel you are in a happy place because the good you experience outweighs the bad.
A healthy relationship makes you feel secure, heard, appreciated, and optimistic for the future.
While no relationship is 100% perfect, good relationships are characterized by mutual respect, mutual emotional support, good communication, helpful criticism, and fighting fair among other healthy behaviors.
If you are feeling anything but the above, then it is possible that you are in an unhealthy relationship and you don’t have to be a genius to see the warning signs.
Nevertheless, in the instance that you need help to confirm it, I have collected and compiled a list of 12 signs of an unhealthy relationship.
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1. Very Extreme Feelings
There are numerous reasons behind extreme feelings or emotions, some of which are not anyone’s fault.
Regardless, heightened feelings can form a very shaky foundation for a relationship. They are characterized by rushing in and out of relationships, getting too deep or too intimate too soon, violating boundaries, and overreacting.
Whether you are the recipient of over-the-top behavior or the one expressing it, one thing is clear; real intimacy takes a hit.
With real intimacy, you have an environment where each party can be themselves, feel responsible for their own actions, and validate each other’s feelings.
Unhealthy relationship intensity, on the other hand, feels overwhelming, obsessive, and frustrating.
2. Put-Downs
Hurtful, mocking, and belittling words are screaming red flags that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Instead of being supportive, a partner who puts you down , drops words that keep you subdued and craving for their approval.
As a controlling behavior, putdowns ensure that your ‘high’ moments are watered down, leaving you resentful. This rises to the level of emotional abuse when the behavior becomes constant or is used to overpower you, especially in the company of others.
Typically, a healthy relationship is one in which your friend, spouse, or date uses emotionally uplifting and loving words.
3. Overprotection
Overprotection goes hand in hand with possessiveness and domination. They are also traits of controlling behavior whereby a person wants to dictate what their partner does, who they associate with, the decisions they make, and literally every aspect of their life.
An overprotective partner may even love and care for you genuinely. Further, they may not set out to outrightly control you.
In fact, some even believe that their manipulative behavior is actually for your protection. All that remains is for them to convince you of the same.
A little concern here and another accusation there, and as you give in, they are gaining control by the day.
Here’s what makes this an unhealthy relationship; you will soon start wallowing in self-doubt and unhappiness, not to mention the feeling of suffocation.
4. Poor Communication
Good relationships are built on good communication between both parties. The opposite is true- contempt, defensiveness, and criticism breed blame and loss of trust.
Poor communication manifests in a lack of listening, interruptive talk, and a lack of compromise in conflict resolution. The same goes for making universal remarks to assign unwarranted traits.
Take for example a statement such as, “You are always late”. Even when said in the softest voice, this is a damaging statement that reeks of criticism and aggressiveness.
5. Alienation from Friends and family
It is hard to hide things from friends and family especially if you spend quality time with them. Typically, they will be among the first people to notice when your relationship is not going well, and will not hesitate to point it out. This is because they are part of your support network.
A partner who loves you and cares about your personal development should not pressure you into choosing between them and your loved ones.
Isolation is, therefore, one of the most obvious signs of unhealthy relationships. It forces you to abandon your individuality and puts you under your partner’s control and manipulation.
Simply put, isolation opens a door for potential abuse.
6. Unhealthy Competition
A relationship is made up of individuals, meaning varying and sometimes crushing takes on life. As such, assigning right and wrong to every little thing leads to subconscious score-taking.
Basically, you begin to feel threatened by your partner’s ‘wins’. Next, especially with young adults, you spend time looking for a chance to outdo them. Even worse, you look forward to unleashing ‘I told you so’ when it hurts the most.
Healthy relationships are the ones where partners work to better each other. They take advantage of constant contact to uplift each other and build towards a common goal. If there is competition, it should be healthy and born out of respect.
As a research psychologist, Dr. Frieda Birnbaum opines, “With that respect, you’ll likely give your best and challenge each other in ways you wouldn’t normally do to another person. Also, when you or your friend are the victors, you can expect support and congratulations.”
7. Sabotage
As much as you may be invested in your partner, they could be sabotaging the relationship. This is among the dire signs of an unhealthy relationship, most common when the guilty party thrives in toxicity.
The worst part is when your partner purposely ruins the relationship from the inside in an intentionally dishonest way. You may blame yourself for the wreckage that follows.
Similarly, if you feel inclined to sabotage a successful relationship, that’s a red flag on your mental health.
8. Guilt-Tripping
First off, guilt-tripping is only possible in emotionally invested relationships. Such can be romantic or familial relationships where the other person’s sentiments about you rock your core.
A person who takes you for a guilt trip wants you to feel guilty for something you did or did not do. Usually, it is a way to escape communicating feelings of frustration or annoyance.
Telltale signs include unhealthy behaviors such as silent treatment, disregard to your well-being, making passive-aggressive remarks, and pointing out their efforts to downgrade yours.
The intention behind guilt-tripping you is to bend you to their will.
9. Mistrust
In a healthy relationship, trust is a key pillar. Having confidence that your partner does right by you, even in your absence, results in mutual respect.
On the other hand, mistrust can lead to vicious cycles of doubts, suspicion, anxiety, fear, and self-preservation; in essence, these are all signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Furthermore, trust is a safety net that once removed causes the aggrieved partner to retreat inwards.
10. Reduced or Non-existent Intimacy
Any stressor in an intimate relationship is a sign that you are heading in the wrong direction. And it goes without saying that lack of intimacy which entails the sharing of experiences, thoughts, and feelings, can cause distress and eventual breakup.
More so, if one partner repeatedly makes excuses to avoid intimacy, it can hurt and elicit conflict in an otherwise stable relationship.
Since we are all about recognizing unhealthy signs, it is worth noting that difficulties with intimacy can be linked to a host of other underlying issues including abuse or violence, conflict, and poor communication.
11. Erratic Behavior
Does being with your partner make you feel safe emotionally? Emotional safety is a key aspect of healthy relationships. It makes you feel comfortable being vulnerable with your significant other.
This, however, only happens when each partner in the relationship is predictable, reliable, and consistent.
Erratic behavior, on the other hand, can manifest as an unpredictable reaction to situations, mood swings, and odd behavior. It robs the relationship of stability and security.
12. Domestic Violence
When it comes to unhealthy relationship signs, domestic abuse is among the top in the list. Worryingly, the violence meted out by an intimate partner is more prevalent than you can imagine.
According to statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 20 physical abuse cases take place every minute across the US.
The unhealthy behavior can manifest in the form of slapping, grabbing, biting, burning, and even sexual abuse.
Notably, domestic abuse can also take the form of narcissistic behaviors such as withholding financial help, distorting reality, and blocking access to essentials like medicine.
Conclusion
The health of your relationship is paramount for your emotional, physical, and mental health. Unfortunately, so many couples are in toxic relationships without even realizing it.
If your relationship identifies with several of the signs I have highlighted above, then I have done my part in opening your eyes. The ball is now in your court.
If not, then you can enjoy your healthy relationship fully aware of what to be on the lookout for.
